Reader Angst
by Envious Sloth
Summary: Matthew was like everyone else. They all were equally human. There is nothing special about him. "Maybe I should just disappear..."


Matthew sat on his soft couch in the living room of his laneway house, reading a book that he had been reading for about a month at this point. The book was lend to him from a friend of his, before he had died of an unknown virus, that had occurred during the time, without being given an cure for it. Matthew hadn't touched, or read the given book until he had gotten over the death of his dear friend. He remembered how his friend had told him how the book made him want to run away from reality to another place. It began to make him wonder how a book could do such a thing, as to make you want to disappear from reality to the depths of a person's mind. Even now, as he read on, he still wondered the same thing.

Matthew sighed yearningly and closed the book that held the thoughts in his mind. He stood up from the chair and walked into his kitchen. There, he leaned over on the ceramic counter and stared out the fogged window. Letting his head droop over his shoulders, he began to think about the weather. _The rain won't stop, won't it? _Matthew wondered as he walked back to his living room, looking out the window there, staring out into the dripping world of rain. He looked out the window and saw no one on the streets, not even a car would pass by.

The people were just like him, wanting to stay inside and not go anywhere. He was just like them. He couldn't do anything about it. If he were to, the whole world will come back and pull him right back into the crowd so he would be just as they are. He was one person out of seven billion. It's not like he could stand out. Even at school, his classmates wouldn't notice him in the back of the classroom. He didn't have friends, in fact. Okay, well, he had his half-brother, but his brother lived somewhere else, not with him. He was alone, while everyone had their lives spent with others. Matthew was sick and tired of the exact same treatment every day. He wanted to be noticed.

Matthew's thought stopped when he made his decision. Hastily, he walked over to take his long, black trench coat and slid his arms into the sleeves. Nearly forgetting that it was pouring outside, he gave a slight gasp before grabbing his white umbrella with a metallic gray handle.

The umbrella was given to him by his mother when he was younger. It was designed to look like a polar bear's face, with the cute black, beady eyes and the white flaps for the ears. Matthew wanted to keep it since it resembled his favorite endangered animal, and he thought it would be a rude of him to throw the poor umbrella out. So now, even after so many years had past since he had first got it, the old thing managed to still be in tact as if it were brand new.

Slowly he walked over to his wooden door but went over to his coffee table for his book. He took the book into his soft, pale hands and smiled at it like it was childhood photo. Then he finally walked to his door, held the brass knob, and turned it, pushing the door open to step out in the gray world that he lived in. He took a deep breath in, closing his eyes smelling the scent of the dampness of the concrete, and let the breath out, taking a step out into the rain.

XxX

Soon enough Matthew found himself at his local train station. By this time the rain had finally stopped and it was sunny out, the greatest weather you would want during the winter. Matthew let a sigh as he walked down the stairs into the subway. He ignored every other person that passed by him, only lost in thought about what to do. The sweet being that he use to be wasn't fully conscious. Even the weeping girl that he past by did not catch his attention. He would be kind enough to help her find her wallet, but he just... ignored her, like she was air or the blowing wind earlier that day.

After going through the long line to get his ticket, a sound echoed in the subway. The train rushed through the tracks and gradually grew slower, soon stopping in place. A burst of wind blew wildly in the subway as the white flat doors slid open for everyone to enter through.

Matthew, being like those around him, entered the train according, with his head looking straight ahead and his eyes seeming half-lidded and duller than usual. The train's seats were all taken so he was left to be the only one standing holding onto the rubber handles dangling down. An old lady, about fifty, was kind enough to offer her seat for the boy, but Matthew refused the offer allowing the lady to keep her seat. His journey began.

XxX

Time past by as Matthew looked to the floor with his dull, transparent, dark blue eyes. The train was slightly barren, leaving just him and a few other people. It was around 3 P.M. by this time, when the train had reached another station. People boarded off the train as well as on the train. Matthew stayed where he was holding onto the rubber handle tightly. Even if his face didn't show it, his emotions welled inside of him.

He was numb on the inside. He didn't feel anything at that moment. His only priority at that moment was to leave everything behind him and go somewhere far away. He depended on this train to take him wherever it may be.

His body snapped out of it when a familiar voice rang his ears. He began to feel his entire body.

"Matt?" The questionable tone of the voice was filled with doubtfulness. The sound of heavy footsteps grew louder, making Matthew more aware of his surroundings.

A warm, soft hand was placed upon his shoulder, making him turn around facing the owner of the voice.

The beautiful, bright blonde hair resembling his own. The lively baby blue eyes. The sweet face that overflowed his mind with memories. It couldn't be...

"Ah! It **IS** you!" The voice chirped happily. "How've you been? I was going to come over to your house for a surprise visit, but I guess you surprised me first." The figure smiles the nostalgic warm smile.

"Alfred..." Matthew's voice died down. It's been over two years since they had last seen each other. How Alfred managed to find out where Matthew lived at the moment, remained a mystery, but Matthew didn't mind whatsoever. He lowers his head and looks at his feet. "I've been alright. What about you?" His face was plastered with such a fake smile that it seemed so unreal, so genuine to the point where it depicted evil. Alfred didn't notice and continued.

"Well alright then," Alfred sits on the bench of the train as the train continued on its tracks. "I've been great! Actually, going to graduate college soon. Can't wait!"

"Is that so?" Matthew looked out through the window. "I'll be looking forward to it." His smile continued on then disappeared. He wanted Alfred to actually sense his feelings. What he was feeling. He just wanted someone to comfort him right now.

"Bro, are you really okay?" Matthew got shocked. "You don't seem like yourself."

"How can you tell?" Matthew lowered his head.

"Listen, I've learned a lot of things lately, and one of those things was telling if a person is okay." Alfred huffed. " And by the looks of it, it seems something's bothering you."

"I don't want to talk about it..." Matthew turned away.

"Well, if you ever wanna talk about it, the hero's here to help. After all, we're brothers! No secrets!" Alfred grinned foolishly at Matt. Liquid began to spill from his eyes. Matt brought his hand up to his eye to rub the tear away before anyone noticed.

"Thanks, my dear brother." Matthew tried to wipe away all the tears from his face. He hiccupped and then gave into his feelings. He didn't want to cry in front of anyone. He thought he'd be strong enough to cope with his feelings.

As soon as the train stopped in its tracks and the door opened, letting people in and out, Matthew threw his white umbrella on the ground angrily and ran out of the train.

"Matt!" Alfred yelled after him.

XxX

Matthew ran quickly in the rain, frustrated with himself and his feelings. He didn't know what to do. He just didn't want anyone to have to carry his burdens along with him, but then he remembered what he thought in the train ride when he was talking to Alfred.

i God, why can't I make up my mind? WHY? /i Matthew stopped running and sat on the nearest bench, crying his heart out.

"No more.. No more! Please! This is just too much. Life is too cruel for me to handle! God, just kill me now!" Matthew cried harder and began to breath even harder.

"Matthew..." The recent voice came from the same direction he had just came from. Matthew ignored it and cried loudly. He just wanted to be alone. Alfred placed a hand on Matthew's shoulder, but Matthew slapped it away and scooted away.

"Go away! Just leave me alone!" Matthew yelled. Alfred bent down and looked at Matthew's face.

"Matt, you've been dealing with a lot of hard stuff, haven't you?" Alfred rubbed his brother's back. "It's okay. I'm here now. I'm her for you. Don't cry..." Alfred's face darkened. Matthew looked up at Alfred with tears in his eyes as the rain poured on them. "Remember our promise when we were younger? I'll always protect you. Until the end." Matthew sniffed and began to cry even more, hugging onto Alfred. Alfred smiled and closed his eyes, hugging his sweet little brother back.

They continued to stay in that position for a bit. Then Alfred's voice piped up.

"Hey, you left this back at the train." Alfred showed the polar bear umbrella in his hand and opened it above them. Truthfully, it wouldn't have mattered if he didn't since they were both trenched. "How 'bout we go home and drink up some hot chocolate?" Alfred smiled greatly. Matthew nodded and smiled while crying. The two got up and walked back to Matthew's house.

XxX

"Are you coming, Matt? I'm going to start the movie without you!" Alfred's voice rang in the house.

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" Matt hugged the book his friend gave to him one last time before putting it inside his bookshelf forever. He smiled one last smile for the book and left the bookshelf to go join Alfred on the couch.

He was happy.


End file.
